FatGrrl Reviews: Surrogates

Having never read the graphic novel, I headed in to the theater and got mostly what I expected: action, intrigue, and techno-geekery all centered around some very interesting questions. The story takes place in a future where people, for the most part, conduct their lives in the world through the use of robotic surrogates. Walk the dog, buy the groceries, seduce that cutie at the coffee bar, all from the comfort of a reclining chair and a host of technical screens and mysterious bleeps and blips.

The movie? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. It was a fun way to kill a couple of hours. It’s not as though the underlying message wasn’t clear, but I don’t know if it really succeeded in pushing people to consider the consequences, or just to point and say, “Yeah, he totally screwed up. If I had a surrogate, that totally wouldn’t happen.” There is a central figure to the story, called The Prophet, who speaks out against the surrogate movement as a lie and an abomination to the human race. But I don’t think this film is about humans vs. robots at all. At the center of this story is the question of identity.

I liked the way Surrogates author Robert Venditti put it while speaking of his inspiration for the novel, and how he had seen lives destroyed by those addicted to the internet and their online personalities:

It dawned on me that if you were somehow able to create a persona and send it out into the real world—where it could go to work for you, and run your errands, and so on—then you would never have to go back to being yourself.

If I had the option to adopt another body as my own and send it out in the world, how would I look? How would I act? Would it really be all that different from me now? Oh, gee, look. There’s my eating disorder jumping up and down at the back of the class with an answer to our question. Yes, eating disorder? What’s that you say? If you had a surrogate you would instantly shave off 100 lbs? A new wardrobe full of to-die-for cute pencil skirts and sassy librarian plaids? Would ya? Huh huh?

I am totally seduced by the idea of surrogates as presented in the movie. I am enthralled with the idea of getting to design the body that is seen by the world, because where I’m at right now?, it sure as hell wouldn’t be this one. Even writing that I feel vaguely guilty for being so ready to pass up the body that I was given.  But I also would like to believe that, even with a surrogate, the value of my identity would shine through: my intelligence, my wit, my compassion, my bad-assery. But would it all backfire in the end? Could we effectively remember that the beautiful bombshell in front of us might actually turn out to be a 45-year-old git in a wifebeater stained with spaghettios? Or would it all just prove that in the end we let looks drive our assumptions and it affects our decisions about people?

What do you think? Would you use a surrogate? Would you change your looks? Your personality? Would you lead the life you have now, or try to totally reinvent yourself?

FatGrrl Reviews: Supergirls Speak Out

It’s easy to spot author Liz Funk for a Supergirl: her birth year (1988) appears on the back jacket of her book, Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls. A quick peek inside the cover tells you the book was published in 2009, and then you do the math.

OMG! Published at 21! Amazing!

I think that may be part of the intent, and as Ms. Funk presents in her book, greater and greater achievements at younger and younger ages is part of the Supergirl syndrome.  I also think it’s important that Ms. Funk outed herself right on the back cover of the book, because readers should know going in that Liz is someone who has been there, and done that.

I was really looking forward to Supergirls because I consider myself a Supergirl in Recovery.  I look back at my past and see a pursuit-of-perfection streak a mile long: I was a high school valedictorian that carried a full-load of classes, participated in a ridiculous number of clubs, AND – because I didn’t have enough to do, it seemed – I studied for the AP Calculus exam on my own because the class wasn’t offered at my school. Did you read that carefully? I fucking created an AP Calculus class for myself.  As an interesting bit of trivia: I also wrote my first novel at age 14. It was nine hundred double-spaced pages of vampire-inspired drivel that shall never see the light of day (ha. ha.), but that’s not the point. The point is my mom got to say, “My 14-year-old  just finished her first novel.”

From there I got myself a wicked academic scholarship to a private college (a college I started looking for as a high school sophomore), helped start a sorority, competed at the national level in speech, went head-to-head with the Computer Science & Math Boys Club, and graduated suma cum laude. All by age 21. And what did all this work get me?

Crazy. Lots and lots of Crazy. And I am still dealing with the effects of The Crazy to this day.

Funk’s book is full of stories just like mine, and it is staggering to read some of the quotes from these girls who candidly discussed with Funk their obsession with perfection. And it isn’t that these girls aren’t unaware of the tremendous amounts of pressure they are putting on themselves, but their attitude seems more along the lines of: “If you want to get anywhere in life, this is how it’s got to be done. It sucks, but that’s the way it is.” While I was in college, tucked away in a bathroom cubicle having my third breakdown in a day, that’s what I told myself.

Funk gives a quick run-down of the Supergirl psyche as such:

Supergirls have:

The top grades
The best clothes
A great body
A cute boyfriend

And then she counters that these girls who seem to have it all may also have:

Exhaustion
Anxiety
Eating disorders
Crippling Insecurity

Ms. Funk goes into great depth on each of these traits and consequences, supporting it with research data and loads of interview material from Supergirls far and wide.  As I read the book, my mind kept coming back to these lists. I still struggle today with exhaustion, anxiety, an eating disorder, and crippling insecurity. But back in my Supergirl heyday I got to claim just one item off the list: top grades. My clothes were often second hand and ill-fitting because I was tall and fat, which usually put me in boys’ clothes.  I had a fat body which was ridiculed by peers and family. The attention from boys was often mocking and sexually degrading.

I actually started to feel a bit resentful as the book went along, full of these girls with looks, clothes, grades, and guys. It felt like it was a club I wasn’t allowed to be in, as if I was somehow less of a Supergirl than I could have been; that I failed and I wasn’t really a Supergirl at all. (Hear that? That’s The Crazy talkin’.) I keep trying to tell myself a lot of this is in my head, but I haven’t resolved the nagging feeling that there is a Supergirl Clique in this book and I felt pretty side-lined as a result, or that my experience was somehow minimized. Now Funk does address the double-standard of beauty, and that successful women invariably are beautiful and that beauty is a requisite component of her success, but really, this just made me feel worse. I think there are a lot of girls struggling with this endless pursuit of perfection, but Funk’s definition of a Supergirl left me feeling a bit excluded.

That being said, I imagine this would be a good book to slip to a friend/daughter/niece/cousin who is a Supergirl, but is totally in the dark about what is driving her to do what she does.

FatGrrl Reviews: My Fitness Coach for Wii

Walking past My Fitness Coach for Wii at one of the many video game shops I frequent, I was immediately suspicious and cast a wary glance at the box (with maybe a dash of animosity). It reminded just too much of its Nintendo DS cousin, My Weight Loss Coach. *insert mega-eyeroll here* But I tried to set judgement aside and looked over the box.

The premise behind My Fitness Coach is having a virtual trainer that will create workouts for you based on the kind of work you want to do (cardio, upper body, lower body, core, flexibility, etc.) and the kind of equipment you have available (balance ball, step block, hand weights, or none at all). This game does not utilize the Wii Balance Board. I was intrigued by the customization built in, as this FatGrrl has long been a friend to exercise modification at the gym. So I decided to do a little research, and I sought out some online reviews from people who had actually gone a couple of rounds with the game. Reviews were generally on the good-to-very good side, and I saw one more feature that I was very interested in: during the workout the virtual trainer will ask you how a segment went and depending on your answer (No sweat! I was working hard. I couldn’t keep up), she will tailor the next program to where you are at.

So I decided to give it a whirl: brought it home, got in to my favorite exercise scrubbies, and prepared to work it out. The first 30 minutes is a lot of measuring and testing and determining current fitness levels. At the end of the assessment, the virtual trainer appeared on screen and said to me, “It looks like you’re a bit over the average weight.” And as I was right in the middle of a big, sweeping arc of my eyes from one side to another, I hear her add, “But weight isn’t the be all end all of fitness.”  (!!!!)  “SHUT UP!!!” I yelled at the screen in disbelief.

Newly invogorated by this seemingly supportive virtual trainer, I did a 15 minute cardio workout with her and she Kicked.My.Ass. Kicked it! And I kind of loved it. A good cardio workout, a nice shower, a glass of orange juice, and an episode of What Not to Wear. Yes, please!

My only criticism thus far is that when I selected a program to work 15 minutes on, say, my upper body strength, the program began with a 7 minute cardio warm-up. I thought that was more than what was needed to get ready for a good upper body routine. I think the longer programs will have plenty more strength training and much less warm-up, but it was a bummer that half of the 15 minute upper body workout had nothing to do with working the upper body. 

I think I would recommend this game to others. I think it will be most beneficial to folks who have experience modifying exercises so that they are getting the benefit without any of the injury that can come along with it. (Jumping jacks? With boobs like mine? No. No way. Forbidden.)

Overall, I give My Fitness Coach for Wii 7 out of 10 ThighMasters.

FatGrrl Reviews: Embracing Your Big Fat Ass

Ellie and I were (not so) recently called upon to review the newest book by Laura Banks and Janette Barber, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass: An Owner’s Manual. Ellie and I had the OMGBRILLIANT! idea of meeting up on an instant messenger and doing a little Fat and Sassy Book Club thing, but we only managed to match up our schedules once. Naturally, it’s hard to understand how two husbands, three kids, ninety-nine tenants, two dogs, and a cat could keep we two apart, but there you have it.

Our feelings on this book were rather mixed, which I think you’ll pick up from the following transcript. Enjoy this (slightly unorthodox) FatGrrl Review, and by all means, chime in if you’ve read the book or have thoughts about this topic in general. We love to hear from you!

FatGrrl: I’m gonna grab some diet coke and the book and we can get started. Mwah!

Ellie:  okey doke.

Ellie:  I’ve got my book, too.

FatGrrl: Word.

FatGrrl:  Ok, let’s see here. where to start….

FatGrrl: How about using one of the reviews as a jumping off point?

Ellie:  got one in mind?

Continue reading »

FatGrrl Reviews: Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.

Just a reminder: I’m not actually getting paid for these, but I’ll be glad to whore myself out to the highest bidder. I do have three kids, you know.

Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction for the PS3 is in a word, awesome.

What’s good about it?: Graphics, the writing, voice acting, the weapons and gameplay…pretty much everything. The PS3 is 1080i-compatible as long as you use an HDMI cord, and when you do, everything is crystal clear and most of it is better than the early CGI movies. It’s visually stunning, especially the wide action shots, like in the first level where you ride down something called a grind rail (think of it as a roller coaster that you slide down on special boots). As you ride the rail, a huge tower explodes and collapses behind you, and the physics of it is beautiful. It moves like an actual building. Also, Ratchet’s facial expressions are phenomenal. I’ve read that he has almost as many facial “joints” in this game as he did in his entire body in the last game for the PS2, which makes for lots of expression. R&C has been known for its funny writing and sly humor, and this one doesn’t fail to deliver.

What’s bad about it?: Not a whole lot. I won’t give away the ending (but this may be a little spoilery), but it ends on a cliffhanger, that, while I understood what they were doing (setting it up for the second part of the trilogy), it was still frustrating, because I wanted a wrapped-up ending. Also, it took me less than 7 hours to beat it. I didn’t want to put it down, but it was disappointing that it wasn’t a bit longer. R&C has always been a little short for me, but I wished it had been longer because I was having so much fun playing.

Rent or Buy?: I rented it. It does have some replay value, because you can go through a second time on a harder difficulty and get more bolts (the game’s currency) and upgraded weapons. Also, there’s an online multiplayer function that I didn’t use, but could theoretically be fun. I actually don’t have my PS3 hooked up to the internet, but I plan to do it sometime soon.

Final rating: 9 sheepinators out of a possible 10. (Sheepinators turn enemies into sheep, which I personally find hilarious.)

So, anyone played this? Tell me what you think!

~Ellie

FatGrrl Reviews - Schick Quattro for Women

Today’s review is the Schick Quattro For Women. I found it on Amazon for $8.99. However, mine was sent to me by the lovely Deana at the YouCast Corp (Hi, Deana! Send me some more stuff!) so let’s all give a cheer for viral marketing, because I am not above whoring myself out for stuff.

So Give Me The High Points: First, I do like pink. Bonus points for Pink. Also, it’s nice and heavy. Heavy means you don’t have to press as hard to shave, which for me, reduces cuts. It passes the “slippery hand test” fairly well, but was still a teeny bit slippery.

The Mr. Ellie Test Drive: I asked Mr. Ellie to try it out for the sake of science. He said it provided a nice close shave, even though it was the very unmanly color Pink. I concur. He was definitely smoochably smooth.

The Ellie Test Drive: I liked it on my legs. I let Mr Ellie try it first to see how the blade sharpness stood up to manly stubble, and it was still pretty sharp by the time I got it. I do wish the blade was a hair wider and that the moisturizing strip was more moisturizing. I like a slimy moisturizing strip, because I am prone to razor burn. I didn’t have to pass over and over the same spot, which was nice. We’ll see how long the blade lasts before it needs to be change.

Overall?: Overall, I’d say that the Quattro is definitely better than your everyday disposable, and nine bucks is pretty reasonable for a NON-disposable razor and multiple cartridges. I give it 7 My Little Ponies out of a possible 10.

~Ellie

FatGrrl Reviews - MarioParty 8 for Wii

What’s the deal? Mario Party 8 for Wii is the latest series of board-game style mayhem from Mario and his band of merry men.  It’s a party-style game for up to 4 players.  It also has “team” play, where you can team up in groups of two to play against two other live players or the computer.

What’s good about it? It’s fun to play with another person, because much smack-talking can be had, as in “Suck it!  I am the best can shaker in the universe!  KISS IT!!  BWAH HA HA!!!”.  Minigames take good advantage of the Wii’s motion-sensitive controller, so you’re shaking (in a way that looks extremely dirty, so don’t expect to play with other adults without comment) and drawing circles and generally waving your Wii controller all over the place.

What sucks? The one-player game is LAME, LAME, LAAAAAAAME.  I kept trying to battle my way through it, but I just couldn’t get into it the way I could when playing with another person (that’s what she said!  Zing!  I’m here all week, people.  Try the veal.) it just doesn’t have the same appeal.  Also, you have to have a controller for each human player (there are some Wii games where you can pass tone controller around, not in MP8, though) and those controllers can be a little pricey (damn you, Nintendo!!)

Rent or Buy? If you have roommates or a significant other that you can play with, I’d say buy it…if it’d just be people visiting to play, I’d say rent, because you’re really not going to want to play by yourself (Okay, I could make yet another sex joke here, but I’ll refrain.)

Final Rating? 6 out of 10 possible boos for poor single player replay value.

~Ellie

FatGrrl Reviews: Maybelline Mineral Power

Dear Makeup Powers That Be: Please send me free stuff and I’ll yap all about it. I’m all about free shit. Thank you.

What’s the Point? - Maybelline Mineral Power Foundation is the Maybelline *cough* cheaper *cough* version of Bare Escentuals loose powder foundation. It’s supposed to be non-clogging and cover well. We’ll just see, Maybelline. I have ruddy skin and pores you could put a fruit basket in, so we’ll just see. You have your work cut out for you.

What did I buy? - Since Ghostly isn’t a color they offer, I got the Classic Ivory/Light 2.

How did it work? - Surprisingly well. They give you a little brush that you’re supposed to load with powder, tap off, then rub all over your face in circular motions. I think I used more powder than I was supposed to, because I had to shake more powder into the well at least three times, but I like full coverage (or rather, I like a foundation that hides the hell out of my flaws. No dewy glowing skin for me. I want a flawless porcelain mask, yo. And before you accuse me of Tammy Faye-ing, I can do some fucking makeup, y’all. I can make nineteen pounds of foundation and eyeliner look good.). Even with my oily skin I didn’t get shiny as fast as I do with traditional powder foundation.

What sucks? - It takes a surprisingly long time to put on. Sure, I could have swiped it a few times on my skin, but it wouldn’t have covered as well as I like. For girls with really smooth, clear skin, it’ll take less time, but like I said, I’m ruddy. Also, the powder gets all over your hands and it doesn’t just brush off, it sort of settles into your fingerprints, which I assume is what it does to the skin on your face to make it look good. Also, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to wash off. It’s like it loved my face and never wanted to leave it ever again.

What’s great? - It really does make your skin look nice. It’s also a good base for other makeup, like eyeliner and shadow. I haven’t used it long enough to find out if it makes you break out less than traditional powder foundation.

Final Rating? - 7 out of 10 possible Crocheted Apple Sweaters.

~Ellie

A new FatGrrl Feature!

I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it’s time to have a semi-regular (or at least as often as I can post it) review category on FatGrrl.com. I’ll be reviewing everything from books, to video games, to everyday products. It’ll give me a venue to make an ass of myself trying to be funny, and you’ll get to hear about things you might not have seen yet.

So let’s get started with The First! Ever! FatGrrl! Review! Whee!

It’s My Sims for Wii.

What’s the point? - You use your wii controller to build objects for new residents of your Sims town in order to lure more people to the town to build it back up. You use “essences” to paint your objects so that they match the personality of the people you’re building the items for…for example, Goths use ghosts and eyeballs and whatnot.

Who’s it good for? - It’s a little young for jaded gamers who like shooters or more adult-oriented games. Actually, I found that it would be a really good learning tool for kids, so that they can learn spatial relationships and what things go where. I think that it’s a pretty young game. It’s also kind of girly, so it’s definitely not for the “blow shit up, then use a severed arm to beat someone to death while a zombie chews on your ass” crowd.

What’s awesome about it? - It’s so stinking cute visually that I frequently had to brush sugar and glitter off of the TV. Anyone who likes Japanese cute (like Hello Kitty and Sanrio) will really like this. Also, Sims games are famous for little humor thrown in. For example, the Goths love it when you’re mean to them and little happy faces burst out of them.

What sucks? - All of the f’ing grinding. You have to go get those damn essences to build what the characters ask for by digging, fishing, or growing trees, and it’s massively time-consuming. Sometimes you just want to play the game, but you can’t because you have to go get the damn essences, and you’ll forget where you found them the first time, so you’ll end up doing a lot of pointless wandering around looking for them. Grrr.

Buy or Rent? - If you have youngish kids (I’d say 7+), buy. Otherwise, rent for a few days of Teh Kyoot.

Final Score - 5 out of 10 possible Hello Kitties.

~Ellie

PS: If you have something you’d like for me to review, please let me know! If you think this blows, hush and let me keep my delusions.