Fat Friday - A Fat and Fabulous club
In Sparks, Nevada, there’s a club we can all love.
I’m of two minds about this, though.
#1 - Oh, sweet. A club where I can wear a slutty sleeveless top and not worry about my fat arms or my big ass and just go out, get drunk, dance and have fun with my friends without the “Everyone is staring at me” feeling! SWEET!
#2 - People suck. Why do we even need a specifically Plus-friendly club? WHY?? Why can’t I go to a regular club and have fun without feeling ashamed (or be ignored) because of the way I look? Yeah, yeah, okay, self-confidence blah blah blah esteem-cakes, but dude, unless I have Glamazon-levels of self-confidence, I’m going to feel pretty damn uncomfortable being the only fat chick in a group, especially if I were single. God, I hated dating. I love my best friend, but she’s built like Jessica Rabbit. Whenever we went anywhere, I practically blended into the walls, or WORSE, I had to field drink orders and dance invitations for her. Oh, that sucked. And she wondered why I hated clubs. Oy.
Thoughts, anyone?
~Ellie
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You describe my experience pretty well. I always seem to make friends with the really social, attractive, ungodly popular girls. So, whenever we go out at all, I become plain Jane decoration.
Yeah, I’m not quite at the point on the fatness spectrum where simply wearing tank tops is seen as a cause for a state of emergency, but it’s still hard dealing with feeling of being the unattractive stand out in the group, or even worse, simply disappearing all together.
As for the article, I still hate how men and women who find plus-sized ladies attractive are played as fodder for odd-ball entertainment pieces. “Men want to SLEEP WITH FAT CHICKS? NO WAY!!!” is generally the tone.
I concur that it sucks to go to clubs with “skinny girls” and be the only fat one… I don’t know if I’d feel much better going to a fat girl club though… It would be kind of like the love-hate relationship I’ve had with plus size clothing stores-what the hell do you do if they disappear, but you hate that you have limited options of where to shop…
It will be interesting to see if the concept takes off though…
In grad school, I would go out Swing dancing with a couple of younger, thinner (much!) women. They would dance their feet off, while I stood around much of the time. Anytime I would try to beg off for the evening, my friends would say, “You just have to ASK somebody!” Oh, of course! The men in the place were just DYING to dance with me, just too shy to say anything!
I suspect neither of them were ever greeted with looks of disgust when they approached someone, though.
Honestly, I’d be afraid to go for fear it might attract the fat fetish group. And I’m well aware that men like fat women in healthy ways, as well, but feeders and others I’ve run into who simply “shop” for fat women…tend to make me uncomfortable. It’s about wanting to be liked for who I am, and not my size. I think that happens no matter what weight you are, though.
I also wonder if singling ourselves out in this way does less to promote size acceptance and more to simply stratify the weight classes. I like seeing fat girls and guys in the regular clubs - they keep it real. ;) Seems that make a separate “plus” club is emphasizing that we’re different… that we have to HAVE a separate club or place to go to be accepted… when in reality, we should be working to make that happen within the current social scenes. I don’t know, it implies some inferiority, I’m afraid.
Well, as for the tank top issue, I still wear them, but mostly because: 1- Texas is like Hell with 99 percent humidity, and it’s HOT here, yo. and 2 - I like to show off my tattoo. I love my tattoo more than most people should, and a tank top is a perfect excuse for it to peek out and say hello. I still have fat arms, but I try very hard to chant to myself “Everyone can just suck it. It’s hot. I’m not wearing a sweater here, okay, people, so just SUCK IT.”
And oy, I feel thy pain with the “Why would a normal man like to sleep with a fat chick? EW!” mentality. My husband is actually much prettier than I am. and women have a tendency to think he’s dreamy, especially since he’s let his hair grow out and is seriously delicious now (I might be a liiiiiiiiittle bit biased, though), and I’ve seen the “HUH? WHUH?!?!” looks about a million billion times. However, they don’t know the Fat Girl Secret, which is only bestowed upon the men (or women) wise enough to look at the girl inside of the body….we’re wildcats in bed. You don’t have to worry about bruising a fat girl’s bones. We’re very enthusiastic and we’ll wear your ass out. Also, many fat girls (not me, sadly) also have excellent racks.
Why do I feel like that rack comment was aimed at me? =^_^=
This is perfect timing for such discussion. I was just having an argument similar to this with my best friend who is a porn producer. I was telling him I don’t appreciate it that Vivid has a new line of porn called Vivid Plus that only stars bbw women porn actresses. I said to him why cant bbw women be in any type of porn, alongside skinny women. He didn’t seem to understand why this was insulting to me. He said it was a positive thing, as years ago you wouldn’t have even seen fat porn in the mainstream so ‘look how far we have come’.
This ranks up their with bbw specific dating websites. I don’t want a man to date me specifically because I’m fat or skinny; I want someone to date me because of me.
Eh. This is a very frustrating topic that I don’t thing anyone besides a bbw women living in a society such as ours would understand.
Morgan, that’s because it WAS. You have an excellent rack. Show those girls off!
Grey, honestly, I sort of equate it to a gay bar. Gay people can have their own bar where they can flirt and be slutty and dance without fear of someone being a dick. And the straights can come and party too and absorb some of the fabulousness.
As for creepy feeders or fetishists…well, everyone has something that turns their crank, but I’d like to not be an object, I prefer being a PERSON, and that’s what bugs me about the fetishists.
And this reminds me that I need to go give my husband some serious lovin’ because even after 10 years and 2.85 kids (only six more weeks to go! WOO!) I still turn his crank.
Rebecca, the porn thing is tricky, because yeah, it’s nice to see that fat porn is finally “mainstream” and not deviant, but all porn objectifies women (and men), that’s what makes it porn. They remove the person and turn them into, well, orifices. However, every now and then, (and I’m going to lose my feminist card for this) it’s not ALWAYS so bad to be an object, with the right person and not Joe Pervert off of the street. I mean, if I bend over and pick something up off of the floor and my husband makes the “mrowr” face at me, it’s kind of nice.
Ellie cheers to your husband for noticing you bending over! haha. I feel divided on porn because I know the majority of it exploits women yet also know it empowers some. I am all for women using their sexuality to make money and empower themselves however I just hope these women are doing it by choice and not by force, which in some cases I know is not the case. Good morning!
ugh.
On the one hand, yay, a place to go and dance.
On the other hand, HEY. This is not fixing anything.
*sigh*
And: I hate myself for needing a plus sized place.
Here’s the question, how do you decide at what point someone is plus sized enough? I mean, i am a third of my medically-appropriate bod weight overweight… but what if (this will never happen) i suddenly managed to slim down?
The problem with dividing into groups is that if the groups aren’t very fluid, problems happen.
Which sucks, because our society is presumably made of adults who should be able to STFU and cope with stuff.
I guess my point is that i want to go to such a club, but would be afraid. And wear tank tops. Somebody has to go firstin our stupid society to make it better for the rest, and i will if you will.
I’m hoping there will be a major backlash against this ‘fat is an epidemic’ stuff, and it will be all right for me to wear pretty things in public.
Hum.. either way, you’re segregating yourself from “normal people,” which really isn’t fat acceptance.. If you feel bad about wearing tank tops in regular clubs, then you don’t have to wear them - but that doesn’t mean you have to cover yourself in several layers either. I really don’t think a lot of skinny people really think as much about how “ugly” fat people are as much as people who are actually fat. And I’d say that worrying about how fat you look in places is not just being self conscious.. it’s damn near obsessive.
You can wear anything you want to anywhere, everyone can. Why don’t we all walk around naked? We ALL have some kind of feeling of shame towards our bodies. Why? Just general society, and how family teaches one to be. If a child is punished or scorned for dressing inappropriately in public, that is probably going to make them grow up to be self conscious about their bodies.. And from my childhood experiences, when we are scorned and told not to do something - we are rarely given any reason why, so we are burdened with trying to figure out what is wrong with us to begin with.
Now, I don’t like how my fat arms look, so I wear long sleeves. It keeps me comfortable, and I wear long sleeved shirts I consider attractive to my fashion sense. But I’ve also worn T-shirts before - hated them, always so long and shapeless - and a few shirts which both had sleeves but also let people see more of my arms.. I loved a shirt I had that was part mesh, and was completely seethrough in the arms. And I was fine! No one went “ew look at those arms!” And even if I got looks behind my back, so fucking what? I am comfortable and I’ll wear my favorite cute shirt if and when I want!
I would always see this girl in highschool, she was fatter than me but she would always wear these miniskirts. The difference was she felt comfortable enough to wear a miniskirt. I thought she looked cute. There was another girl I knew who was shorter than me.. probably somewhere just under 5′0″, with a 52″ waist. I’m not going to say she looked good wearing those T-shirts I hate so much, but she was comfortable. And she got laid about as much as a “dance club” girl - it’d be a stretch to say cheerleader, lol.
Now why am I not getting laid like that? 1 - I’m not really interested in having sex with just any guy. 2 - my boyfriend lives two states away lol.
I think the only time I was really offended by what someone said was a friend of mine, when he said that the kind of girl he is looking for is about my height but with a better body. At which time he weighed 320 lbs. And I only weighed 170 lbs at the time.
Now, I plan on losing weight. Not to “be better than others,” but just to better myself for myself. I wouldn’t mind going to a fat club skinny or not, would be like going to a gay club - going there to have fun. I really feel if people try to hit on me more when I do lose weight, it’d just downright piss me off. Oh well..
Be comfortable!
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