The Mike and Juliet Show - Ellie’s Thoughts
First, for a very intelligent and thoughtful blog entry on the segment, please check out Rachel at the F-word. However, I am more of a happy fun monkey (so you know you’re not going to get intelligent and thoughtful from me!), and Morgan is one of my very best friends, so I got my panties in a bunch over something in the segment. Read below for why…
When I saw the segment for the first time, I was actually on the phone with Morgan while it was playing, so she heard lots of squealing in her ear when the camera first flashes on her, because she looked amazing, and she was so calm and self-confident.
Now that I’ve seen it a few times … the bumper for the segment horrified me. They filmed Marie, the other person with BED (Binge Eating Disorder), during a binge, and the Ominous VoiceOver Guy booms that “approximately 30% of overweight people suffer from Binge Eating Disorder!” and I sighed. Oh, boy. Fortunately, they didn’t take the stance in the segment that all fat people binge eat.
Marie’s part of the interview bothered me, mostly because they filmed her bingeing for the sensationalist aspect of it (sort of like the A&E show Intervention, where they film the addicts at the very peak of their addiction) and in the voiceover the emphasized how “shameful” it is and how BEs “wolf” food down and consume “thousands and thousands” of calories. That bothers me because BEs already feel a huge amount of shame about what they’re doing, and I don’t see the benefit to making binge eaters feel even more shamed than they already do. I just don’t see why making someone feel like they’re dirty and shameful will prompt them to get help. I really feel like it’s tied in a neat little bow along with fat prejudice and the misconception that making a fat person feel like they’re disgusting, shameful and unworthy will inspire them to lose the weight and join the rest of society in the joy and bliss that the weight-loss ads claim all thin people feel.
It’s already fairly widely accepted that Bulemics and Aneoretics use their ED to regain control over some aspect of their life, and they use purging/abstaining to feel that control. Why does BE have to be so very different? I understand binge eating to a small extent (not the way that Morgan does, so she can definitely have some great insight to add) I’ve done it a time or two myself. I would feel horrible about X or Y in my life and the eating is…well…soothing. I would feel this incredible calm with being so full I was about to pop. I think it was because I was sleepy, but I found the food really calming. I think that a lot of that desire to put something in my mouth got funneled into smoking, otherwise I can really see bingeing as something I would do all of the time, so when I would get really stressed out and want to just eat and eat and eat, I would chain-smoke instead. Just as bad for me. It was one addiction for another. I’d stop smoking during my pregnancies because it was someone else that I was affecting directly with the smoking (and many drug addicts stop using during pregnancy. Smoking is just as addictive as heroin, I’ve read.) but I’d need the calm that came with it whenever things would go bad once I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I am smoking again, unfortunately, but I’m smoking roughly 6 cigarettes a day, versus the 20 (a pack) or so a day I was smoking before I got pregnant. It’s not what I want (which is to not smoke at all), but it’s a step in the right direction.
Back to Marie’s story. I felt that she made a really good point in that it is a disease, the way that alcoholism and drug addiction are, it’s just easier to hide it (”…it’s just packaged a lot nicer.”)
Then it was over to Morgan’s story. They discussed college and Morgan’s experiences with BE during college and the shame and embarrassment that came with BED. And that’s when my blood started to boil at the comments and tone in the questions that Mike asked.
Mike: “You got a private room just so you could eat?”
Yes, Mike, yes she did. Would you be as incredulous if she wanted a little privacy to shoot up or cut herself instead? People hide their addictions, you ass. Cutters don’t wear short skirts if they cut on their thighs. Heroin addicts don’t shoot up in the doctor’s waiting room.
Then they discussed the financial ramifications of BED and daily routines, and here is the question series that made me want to put my fist in the screen, and I’ll explain why.
Morgan: “[explaning how nighttime was her time for bingeing]…and bring it back to my place and check out, I mean emotionally check out.”
Mike: “Speaking of checking out, it seems like it’s so overwhelming, I mean, did you ever think you just wanted to get rid of yourself?” AND HE MAKES A SLICING MOTION ACROSS HIS THROAT
The hell? Why didn’t you do a gunshot to the head motion? Or in the mouth? Way to trivialize the lowest point in Morgan’s life, you douche. You know, I realize that he interviews hundreds of people with hundreds of sad stories a year, and that Morgan was out of his mind as soon as he went to the next segment, but she is a person with a value. She’s somebody’s friend, she’s somebody’s daughter and she was thinking of ending her life. I think that maybe if you’re discussing how someone was planning their own suicide, maybe you can keep your little nonchalant hand motions to yourself. I realize that it wouldn’t matter anything to you if Morgan wasn’t around, but it would be fucking devastating to me, and to a lot of people, so why don’t you show her, her life and the value of that life a little motherfucking respect? I wouldn’t give two shits if you died tomorrow, Mike, but I’ll bet somebody would.
When Morgan explained that yes, she had thought about it and planned it (after Mike asked her how she had planned to commit suicide) and that Kiba saved her, because Kiba only has Morgan, and she couldn’t leave Kiba by herself, there was this:
Mike: “…But you’re putting more value on that animal than on yourself?”
You know what, I’ll share something with you guys. I think I’ve mentioned that I’m prone to depression. My depressive episodes range from “Life sucks” to “I have no hope. What is there to live for? Why do I even bother going on another day?” and 99% of the time when I’m in the second type of depression, the only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other for another horrible day are my children. Not my husband (although I love him with all of my heart and I know he’d be completely devastated if anything were to happen to me), my children. I couldn’t die and leave them without a mother, because they’d be without someone who loves them the way that I love them (NB: my husband loves our kids just as much as I do, but he’s not their mother. Kids need a mother. Trust me. I had a father and a stepmother, as my mom died when I was five. It’s not the same at all.) Just the pure fact that they need me would make me slog through another day, not because I wanted to, not because I felt like living, but because they needed me.
Morgan feels the same way about her dog. Yes, Kiba is a dog, but Morgan loves her just as much as I love my kids, and why is a dog not as valid of a reason for continuing this mortal coil, so to speak?
Gah. Okay, I got rather deep there for a minute. Sorry.
I just didn’t appreciate how blase’ he was about it. I thought it was tacky.
She talked about how recovery was going (and it’s going great and she is awesome) Morgan then said something great that someone once said to her: “I don’t have a food problem. I have a living problem that I try to solve with food.” Which I think is excellent, and can be so true for any addiction or eating disorder. Drug addicts and alcoholics dull whatever is going on in their life with their drug of choice, and the same can be said for BED.
The segment broke for commercial and came back to Susan Bartel (which, hee! Irony, thy name is Fatgrrl.com) who really did have some very good points, and that binge eaters have just as valid and real of a disorder as Anorexics and Bulimics, and they shouldn’t be ridiculed or criticized. Then Lynn Grefe, of the National Eating Disorders Association, said that binge eaters needed to make sure that they’re talking to someone with an ED specialty when seeking treatment.
Then Mike tried to link all ED to Marie’s abuse as a child. OY. Susan Bartel made sure to clarify that not all abuse victims are binge eaters and vice versa. Thank you, Susan.
Then they told Marie that her treatment at a local ED facility would be covered for three months, which I thought was nice.
To sum up, Morgan did beautifully, and she was eloquent, calm, and composed. She’s amazing and brave and she put a very real and honest face to a disease that so many people hide. I hope that her story and her hard work will inspire someone whose life is being consumed by binge eating to seek help. I am lucky to have her as a friend, and I’m so proud of her.
And Mike is an ass.
~Ellie
Filed under Fat(Riot)Grrl, Roll Camera!, Schnibbles, Yo' Momma! |27 Responses to “The Mike and Juliet Show - Ellie’s Thoughts”
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This is the same guy that interviewed Mo and Rachel? (I am Australian so I am not quite up on these sort of US shows). If that is him, well he seems like a total moron. Brainless and blase. Cheesy to boot. I didn’t like him or his “bedside manner” at all. I honestly believe such people don’t see their guests as real live people with real live emotions, they see them simply as a means to an end - with the end being ratings. And ratings = $$$$
I found your site on google blog search and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. Just added your RSS feed to my feed reader. Look forward to reading more from you.
Karen Halls
FG - yep, it’s the same guy. I think Juliet was a little nicer this time around, but Mike was certainly an ass. I agree. I know that he forgets about his guests as soon as they leave and he’s collecting his paycheck, but damn it, they’re people, too! GRRRRR!!
For what it’s worth (just to offer another perspective), the information about what they meant by binging was informative to me, since when I think of binging on something for myself (defined as eating not because I’m hungry, but because I’m bored, or upset, etc.) I think of a whole thing of mini cinnamon buns, so 600 or so calories. To know that that’s not what they’re talking about here, that it’s thousands of calories, so a full order of magnitude higher, is significant. Filming the binge was just tacky though, I completely agree there.
Also, looking at the video the gesture you mentioned looked to me like he was pointing his thumb over his shoulder, like he was throwing something behind him, which seems far more innocuous to me. As for the dog comment, I think he was more commenting on the fact that it’s sad for her that she was in a place where she didn’t value her life for her, but instead for her pet. It’s possible he wasn’t making the comment as a value judgment, but in order to clarify where she was emotionally.
Yes, the piece was a bit on the exploitative side, and was in large part about sensationalizing this disorder, but some of the things you’re upset about really do help clarify exactly what the mentality of the disorder is, perhaps not so much if you already know about it, but coming from having little to no information about BED, I found a lot of those things informative. It sounds like you’re just upset that the comments were simplistic, but not inaccurate, no?
Anyway, I hope that at least gives another perspective for you to see this through.
You know, the only thing that kept me from acting on suicidal ideation during my last major depression was the thougth of my cats. So I totally understand Morgan’s dog saving her life. I just find Mike’s astonishment, well, astonishing. People who are suicidal usually either feel that their life has no value or are in too much pain to value their lives - and sometimes a well-timed nuzzle from a loving furry head are the only things that keep you from acting on those suicidal ideations.
My grammar is all over the place in the comment above, but you get the gist.
Well put, Fatadelic. =^_^= Thank you.
Before I had my daughter my cats were my children. I understand about Kiba.
I have battled suicidal urges & thoughts off and on since I was a teen. Does it really matter what keeps us alive? I think I can safely say Mike has never battled deep depression. I hope he never does because there is no suffering quite like teetering on that thin line between life and death by suicide.
Whatever gets a person through those dangerous minutes or hours should not be questioned. What matters is that the person is able to hang on until it passes. Kiba does need Morgan. Kiba’s grief would be real if Morgan died and left her. Morgan hanging onto Kiba is a good thing. Thank God for Kiba. Thank God Morgan made it through.
I think of a whole thing of mini cinnamon buns, so 600 or so calories. To know that that’s not what they’re talking about here, that it’s thousands of calories, so a full order of magnitude higher, is significant.
While I don’t think a “binge” of a 600-calorie cinnamon bun qualifies as BED, if you feel guilty, ashamed or eat that bun in secret, it’s certainly still a sign of disordered eating. I had a doctor misdiagnose me with bulimia once, after I told him about my shameful binges. What he didn’t understand is that at the time, my goal was to fast for days on end, so when I ate anything, even a plain salad sans dressing, I considered it a binge.
While BED is an entirely distinct disorder, binges don’t have to be comprised of thousands and thousands of calories for someone to have the same feelings associated with a binge. It’s the relationship with food that makes it problematic, not the amount of food consumed in a binge. I hope this makes sense.
Mike is a dick, and he displayed the same degree of callousness during your show as he did during mine, I think. But I think his reaction would probably mirror that of a lot of people who are unfamiliar with BED, so I think this actually worked into the segment’s favor.
God, what an endless douche. It’s not even the questions, it’s the tone in which he asks them — because I think Rachel is right that it’s important for someone to ask the incredulous, ignorant questions, because a lot of folks are ignorant about BED and many of those will be incredulous. But you can ask those in a way that is compassionate, or you can ask them in a way that makes me wonder why they ever let you talk to anyone in the first place, let alone on TV.
Mike is an ass.
Morgan, you did a great job!
“Yes, Kiba is a dog, but Morgan loves her just as much as I love my kids, and why is a dog not as valid of a reason for continuing this mortal coil, so to speak?”
Yeah I was wondering the same thing, because I think of my cat as my baby! I call him baby all the time! What is so wrong to cling to an animal that you love so dearly?
Rachel- No, there’s not guilt associated with eating the whole thing of cinnamon buns (just a vaguely overfull feeling, and being a bit jittery from all the sugar, but I think that’s normal.) I don’t at all think I have binge eating disorder; I just wanted to point out that to someone totally unfamiliar with the disease, it’s useful for what these women suffer to be distinguished from the behaviors that everyone engages in. This is not occasional over snacking at the movies or with friends, this is something that ends up controlling your entire life, just like any other eating disorder. When they say things like this means eating thousands of calories in a sitting, or getting a private room, even though you like your former roommate just to hide this problem, while the comments may be a bit callous, it does help highlight the extent of the disease, and (I think) help prevent people from categorizing it as “well, it’s their own fault, they should just stop eating” or every person who watches this saying “I do that too! Oh no!” Does that make sense?
Perfect sense, Emily. And I think its so sad we still have people who think this way.
I think it’s an education issue more than anything else. There are so many major misconceptions about eating disorders in general (The biggest being that they’re about food.) that it’s not too surprising that people don’t know much about BED. Hopefully things like this will bring it more into mainstream knowladge and the quality of treatment will improve. (And all the people who need it will be able to get treatment.)
Wow, I just don’t know what to say……I’m really hurt…..I’m just really hurt!
[...] didn’t work in the first place. (I’m sorry. Too soon?) I was going to also add a nod to Fatgrrl’s appearance on the M&J show, but now that the clip is up, I think it deserves its own post, [...]
Hmmmm….Mike, have you learned the error of your ways? That to be an insensitive dick to people is not the way to gain ratings? Good boy. Here’s one more lesson for you:
Do something about that IP address of yours. I know you’re not writing from New York. Naughty!
=^_^=
I completely agree that he sounded callous, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with Morgan’s reason for wanting to live. Like other people have said, my fur children (my dogs) have often been my reason for not doing something drastic when I’m deeply depressed.
I was amazed at the callousness of Julie at the end when they told Marie about the treatment facility. I know that it was meant as a good thing, and I hope that it will help her, but to present something like that out of the blue on national television with no process of it…Marie just looked absolutely shocked and taken aback.
Well, I didn’t like how she said “We’ll be watching you!!!” Yeah, no pressure there, Marie.
[...] are also blow-by-blows at Morgan’s site and at Rachel’s site. Some highlights: Marie’s part of the interview bothered me, mostly [...]
I’m so glad you felt the same way about Mike - I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive, but you reacted to the same parts that I did, so I feel like I’m not overreacting. It seemed so insensitive of him to make the suicide comment - I mean, it was obvious that they’d discussed it before and he was trying to segue into it, but talk about tacky and poorly done!!
Mike is that fratboy you dodged all four years of college who needs a desperate beatdown with the clue stick.
I just want to thank Morgan for being an elegant and EXTREMELY gutsy community representative. That took nerve.
It also took a lot of Zen not to lunge out of the chair and attempt to swat them with the cluestick, and for that I also extend deep thanks. I tend to be the Duchess of In-Your-Face, and while that tactic is sometimes the only thing that will work, it’s not right for every confrontation (and no mistake, this was in fact a confrontation).
So thank you thank you thank you again. And thank you Kiba.
P.S. Next tyme u come to NYC to do TV Glamma, plz giv advanz call. I will by drinkz.
LittleM:
You’re on. I did the NYC trip solo and was a tiny little mouse scurrying around Times Square. Veery skeery. =^_^= Am currently in talks with ABC Nightline about piece they are doing on women bloggers, so I may be back in your ‘hood soon!
Hi Morgan!
First off, let me say that you looked amazing! You got to potentially so many people, which is way more than most of us do in our lives…its really a huge deal.
Personally, I felt a little just a little awkward/embarrassed when I watched the M&J stories for you and the FA segment. On the one hand, Mike and Julie have a decent viewership, but they are still small potatoes (apparently they’re on at 4am here in New York, who knew?) Those 2 aren’t on the Today show or Good Morning America for a reason. They’re entertaining if you’re up at 4am, but I don’t think they’re going to win Emmys anytime soon.
Both Mike and Julie both have this vibe, to me, of over-rehearsing. I could totally see Mike repeating those tacky lines over and over to himself in the dressing room mirror. Apparently, being an interviewer on TV is really hard (again, who knew? Props, Barbara Walters), and if you kindof suck at it, you can come off as a callous dick.
Maybe I’m being too generous here in my optimism!